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Writer's pictureCresthill Academy

Separation Anxiety - A Part of Growing Up

It is the beginning of the school year and while some children crawls right into their caregiver's arms, other children may experience separation anxiety, that is OK!


Separation anxiety is a natural and common experience for children, whether they are transitioning to a new childcare center or starting their first day in a new classroom. From the perspective of child psychologists, this phenomenon is a crucial part of emotional development and signifies a child's growing awareness of relationships and the world around them.


Why is Separation Anxiety Normal?


  1. Developmental Milestone: Children are learning to recognize their dependence on caregivers while simultaneously exploring independence. As they begin to understand that they are separate individuals from their parents, they often experience anxiety when faced with new environments or unfamiliar people.

  2. Attachment Theory: According to attachment theory, the bonds that form between a child and their primary caregivers are essential for emotional development. When children transition into new settings, those bonds are tested, leading to feelings of insecurity. This is a sign of attachment—indicating that they value and rely on their caregivers.

  3. New Experiences: Starting daycare or a new classroom involves entering unknown territory. Children often feel anxious about what to expect in these unfamiliar surroundings. Fear of the unknown can trigger emotional responses, including crying and clinginess.

  4. Emotional Regulation: Young children are still learning how to manage their emotions. They may not yet have the tools to express their feelings verbally, leading to tears and distress when separated from familiar caregivers. This is a critical opportunity for parents and caregivers to teach coping strategies and emotional regulation.


It’s important to recognize that witnessing your child cry during a transition can be heart-wrenching for parents. The instinct to comfort and soothe is powerful and natural, and it can be painful to see your child struggle. However, understanding that separation anxiety is a normal part of development can provide some reassurance.


While it may feel distressing, allowing your child to express their feelings can foster resilience and help them learn to adapt to new situations. Remember, your support during this time is invaluable, even if it seems challenging. At Cresthill Academy, we use the phrase " Quick Goodbyes Leave Dry Eyes" and we explain why below:


One of the most effective strategies for easing separation anxiety is the “quick goodbye” method. This approach encourages parents to say goodbye briefly and confidently. Here’s why it works:

  1. Reduces Anxiety: Long, drawn-out goodbyes can amplify anxiety for both the child and the parent. A quick goodbye minimizes the focus on the separation, helping to reduce the child’s sense of dread.

  2. Creates a Sense of Routine: When goodbyes become brief and predictable, children learn that parting is a normal part of the daily routine. This routine can help to desensitize kids to separations over time, making transitions easier as they become more accustomed to saying goodbye.

  3. Builds Confidence: Quick goodbyes communicate confidence to your child. When you exhibit calmness and assurance, it reinforces the idea that they will be okay in your absence. This can help instill a sense of security and independence.

  4. Reinforce Desirable Parting: Give your child a positive and reassuring good bye and confidently part ways. But when a child cries, and then the parent stays longe this actually reinforces a negative behavior cycle as now, the child's brain is saying "the more I cry the longer my parent(s) stay" which works against reducing of tears at drop off and good bye.


Separation anxiety is a normal part of childhood that signifies emotional and cognitive growth. While it can be painful for parents to see their children struggle, understanding the reasons behind this anxiety can help ease the burden. However, if your child has been in full-time daycare for a month or more (or 20 school days for part-time enrollment) and the separation anxiety symptoms has not improved, then have a conversation with your child's preschool or childcare center director to discuss if perhaps there are other options that are better suited for your child or family. Remember, children develop differently and some children are more ready to group care than others.

Preschool Teacher waving to child at drop off.
Preschool Teacher waving to child at drop off.

At Cresthill Academy, we are here to support our children, families and staff to facilitate smoother transitions and teach children that changes can be navigated successfully. With time and support, children will learn to embrace new experiences, reinforcing their resilience and adaptability.







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